Last week's plan:
Monday - Rest
Tuesday - 3 mile run
Wednesday - Jazzercise
Thursday - 6 mile run
Friday - Rest
Saturday - 12 mile run
Sunday - 3 mile walk
I had an amazing 3 mile run that Tuesday. The weather conditions were ideal, and I felt strong and fit. With a cool breeze and not even needing to carry water, I decided to go for it, and see what I could do. On a good day, I can run one mile at an 11min/mile pace. Well, Tuesday was a great day because look what I did!
I was so proud,and felt all I am Woman Hear Me Roar/Chaka Khan/Wonder Woman. Just all good things!
Wednesday's Jazzercise was great as always and Thursday's 6 mile run was tough (and warm!) but I maintained a decent pace and had a good run. Everything looked promising for last Saturday's long run. I hadn't run 12 miles in about six months, but I wasn't really too worried about it.
The way I told the story on Saturday afternoon was that I was just fine until mile 10, and then broke down mentally and physically. My stomach acted up, my right hip was burning, my left knee hurt and I had the worst chafing from the back of my damn bra strap that you've ever seen. Yes, I know, TMI, but this is not a pretty business and I'm painting the full gross picture here.
But that's not how it really happened. For two hours, I ran and kept a decent pace while my inner cruel master flogged me and grilled me with questions.
How are you ever going to be able to keep up with this training when you go back to work on Monday?
Right now, you are so busy you can hardly handle your life. Your kitchen floor is filthy, and you have several undone projects around the house.
What about the boys? G. is starting high school and his first season of high school sports. S. is starting a new school too, and that's a whole new group of people to work with on his IEP, train for his equipment and needs. Andy would love to help, but he works so much that he can't and you certainly can't burden him with any of this when he works like a dog.
You really think you're going to get up and run at the buttcrack of dawn, go to work, come home and help S. with homework (and let's be honest - we are talking some grueling hours there), make it to all of G.'s games, get S. to his practices and dance classes, cook good and healthy meals for the family, and keep the house afloat while Andy works 12+ hours per day?
Are you insane, girl?
Oh, and it doesn't help that you are over 40 and still 40 lbs overweight. What if you hurt yourself with this crazy marathon idea, and then you can't run anymore? Like, at all? Is a marathon really worth hurting yourself and then not being able to enjoy running for fun and fitness for the next 20+ years? You'd lose what's left of your mind and gain every pound back. And probably a few more because you tend to go big or go home, right?
And, Damn!, this really does suck running alone on these long runs. It's a bit lonely, and time crawls and don't you get a little tired of listening to your breathing and footsteps? Maybe if you could fix your damn play list and stop listening to the SAME songs for the last 6 months this would all be easier?!
And the kids....again the kids. Where's your favorite place in the world, Jen? With your kids. Is it fair for them to get even less of you? You're going to go out for a 4 hour run on Saturday? One of the few times in the week when you can actually be with your husband and your kids at the same time. And let's not even talk about all the money you are dropping into this training - shoes, fuel belt, registration fees, hotel, etc - that money could go to the kids' activities and needs.
After 10 miles of this, everything gave out. For the first time since I started running two years ago, I felt like I really couldn't run another step. I had to walk 2 miles back to my car. I was done, miserable, and so angry with myself. And, of course, filled with self-doubt.
So where am I a couple of days later? Still filled with doubt. I have some legitimate concerns to work through. The fact is that I will have great difficulty trying to accomplish my goal. While I don't think it's impossible, I've got to weigh this dream against everything I'd have to let go in order to make it happen.
Andy, as always, has been the best. He used to call me "sweet stuff" (shut up! it's cute!). Lately, he calls me me "tough stuff" instead. He's always my best cheerleader. My friends have been wonderful and supportive. The kids are quite impressed with my efforts, and supportive as well. I am a lucky and blessed woman. I feel the love every day.
For this week, I will continue training. Yesterday (Monday), I ran another 3 at a decent pace in some heat (11:25). I had no unusual aches or pains and felt good.
I have until August 31 to transfer my registration from the full to the half marathon. I don't want to view that possibility as a failure, and I'm working hard on that.
For now, I'm just going to carry on - work the plan, and hope it works for me. One day at a time!
