Self-doubt

I was sailing through my marathon training, and was nearly done with Week 7 (of 18) of Hal Higdon's Novice 1 Marathon Training Plan when I, well, came undone.

Last week's plan:

Monday - Rest
Tuesday - 3 mile run
Wednesday - Jazzercise
Thursday - 6 mile run
Friday - Rest
Saturday - 12 mile run
Sunday - 3 mile walk

I had an amazing 3 mile run that Tuesday.  The weather conditions were ideal, and I felt strong and fit.  With a cool breeze and not even needing to carry water,  I decided to go for it, and see what I could do.  On a good day, I can run one mile at an 11min/mile pace.  Well, Tuesday was a great day because look what I did!

I was so proud,and felt all I am Woman Hear Me Roar/Chaka Khan/Wonder Woman. Just all good things!  

Wednesday's Jazzercise was great as always and Thursday's 6 mile run was tough (and warm!) but I maintained a decent pace and had a good run.  Everything looked promising for last Saturday's long run.  I hadn't run 12 miles in about six months, but I wasn't really too worried about it.

The way I told the story on Saturday afternoon was that I was just fine until mile 10, and then broke down mentally and physically.  My stomach acted up, my right hip was burning, my left knee hurt and I had the worst chafing from the back of my damn bra strap that you've ever seen. Yes, I know, TMI, but this is not a pretty business and I'm painting the full gross picture here.

But that's not how it really happened.   For two hours, I ran and kept a decent pace while my inner cruel master flogged me and grilled me with questions.

How are you ever going to be able to keep up with this training when you go back to work on Monday?
Right now, you are so busy you can hardly handle your life.  Your kitchen floor is filthy, and you have several undone projects around the house.

What about the boys?  G. is starting high school and his first season of high school sports.  S. is starting a new school too, and that's a whole new group of people to work with on his IEP, train for his equipment and needs.  Andy would love to help, but he works so much that he can't and you certainly can't burden him with any of this when he works like a dog. 

You really think you're going to get up and run at the buttcrack of dawn, go to work, come home and help S. with homework (and let's be honest - we are talking some grueling hours there), make it to all of G.'s games,  get  S. to his practices and dance classes, cook good and healthy meals for the family, and keep the house afloat while Andy works 12+ hours per day?

Are you insane, girl?

Oh, and it doesn't help that you are over 40 and still 40 lbs overweight.  What if you hurt yourself with this crazy marathon idea, and then you can't run anymore?   Like, at all? Is a marathon really worth hurting yourself and then not being able to enjoy running for fun and fitness for the next 20+ years?   You'd lose what's left of your mind and gain every pound back.  And probably a few more because you tend to go big or go home, right?

And, Damn!, this really does suck running alone on these long runs.  It's a bit lonely, and time crawls and don't you get a little tired of listening to your breathing and footsteps? Maybe if you could fix your damn play list and  stop listening to the SAME songs for the last 6 months this would all be easier?!

And the kids....again the kids.  Where's your favorite place in the world, Jen?  With your kids.  Is it fair for them to get even less of you?  You're going to go out for a 4 hour run on Saturday?  One of the few times in the week when you can actually be with your husband and your kids at the same time.  And let's not even talk about all the money you are dropping into this training - shoes, fuel belt, registration fees, hotel, etc - that money could go to the kids' activities and needs.

After 10 miles of this, everything gave out.   For the first time since I started running two years ago, I felt like I really couldn't run another step.  I had to walk 2 miles back to my car.  I was done, miserable, and so angry with myself.  And, of course, filled with self-doubt.

So where am I a couple of days later?  Still filled with doubt.  I have some  legitimate concerns to work through. The fact is that I will have great difficulty trying to accomplish my goal. While I don't think it's impossible, I've got to weigh this dream against everything I'd have to let go in order to make it happen.

Andy, as always, has been the best.  He used to call me "sweet stuff" (shut up! it's cute!).  Lately, he calls me me "tough stuff" instead.  He's always my best cheerleader.  My friends have been wonderful and supportive.  The kids are quite impressed with my efforts, and supportive as well.  I am a lucky and blessed woman. I feel the love every day.

For this week, I will continue training. Yesterday (Monday), I ran another 3 at a decent pace in some heat (11:25).  I had no unusual aches or pains and felt good.

I have until August 31 to transfer my registration from the full to the half marathon.  I don't want to view that possibility as a failure, and I'm working hard on that.

For now, I'm just going to carry on - work the plan, and hope it works for me.  One day at a time!

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going....Marathon Training Begins!

Photo courtesy of Muddy Shoes Photography

Last week, the boys and I enjoyed a wonderful vacation at a beach house in Nags Head, North Carolina with our very good friends.   We felt  incomplete since Andy couldn't join us, but we focused on the fun and really had a marvelous time.  

He loves his mommy ;-) (photo: Muddy Shoes Photography)

Kiddos at Jockey's Ridge(photo: Muddy Shoes Photography)

I had a lot of time to reflect while on vacation.   My big revelation:  There is a big difference between vacationing with your kids when you're fat/unfit and still-kind-of-fat/fit.

Duh!

During vacations past,  I often just existed as a smiling face in the background of photos.   I always had fun, don't get me wrong, but so many things were hard to do - it was hard to keep up with the kids when I was 100+ pounds overweight.  It was embarrassing to be seen in a bathing suit.  I skipped certain activities because I feared weight limits or was worried about being able to haul my fat ass up on a jet ski. There was a lot of looking on and smiling.  I enjoyed watching my kids, but I longed to be part of the action.

This vacation was so different.  Because Andy couldn't make it, I felt some extra pressure to step up.  I drove a jet ski! The life jacket fit, and there was no hauling of ass to get on - I simply hopped up.  (I really didn't care for the jet ski experience because fit or unfit,  I will always be a granny-type driver).  I still don't look great in a bathing suit, but I'm perfectly ok in wearing one, and swimming/playing/schlepping to the beach in one.  I climbed a lighthouse with my kids, and the 200+ stairs in intense heat and humidity didn't phase me.   I ran up the sand dunes without breaking a sweat.  And I enjoyed 4 glorious morning runs for a total of 13 miles.  I even logged my fastest mile (10:18) on a particularly hot and humid morning.    And this all felt good.  So, so good. 

Vacation success was just the boost in confidence that I needed because today is the day I start training for the Columbus Marathon (Note: although I haven't been Catholic in many years, whenever I say "I'm training for a marathon" I feel like I should make the sign of the cross over myself).

My initial plan was to follow Hal Higdon's Novice 1 Marathon Training Plan.

After some thought, I've tweaked that plan a bit to come up with my own training plan.  Here is my 18 week plan:

              Mon     Tues        Wed          Thurs       Fri       Sat         Sun
Week 1    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    3 miles    Rest    6 miles     Body Sculpting
Week 2    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    3 miles    Rest    7 miles     Body Sculpting
Week 3    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    4 miles    Rest    5 miles     Body Sculpting
Week 4    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    4 miles    Rest    9 miles     Body Sculpting
Week 5    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    5 miles    Rest    10 miles   Body Sculpting
Week 6    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    5miles    Rest      7 miles     Body Sculpting
Week 7    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    6 miles    Rest     12 miles   Body Sculpting
Week 8    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    6 miles    Rest      Rest         Half Marathon
Week 9    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    7 miles    Rest      10 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 10    Rest    3 miles    Jazzercise    7 miles    Rest    15 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 11    Rest    4 miles    Jazzercise    8 miles    Rest    16 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 12    Rest    4 miles    Jazzercise    8 miles    Rest    12 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 13    Rest    4 miles    Jazzercise    9 miles    Rest    18 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 14    Rest    5 miles    Jazzercise    9 miles    Rest    14 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 15    Rest    5 miles    Jazzercise    10 miles  Rest    20 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 16    Rest    5 miles    Jazzercise    8 miles    Rest    12 miles    Body Sculpting
Week 17    Rest    4 miles    Jazzercise    6 miles    Rest    8 miles      Body Sculpting
Week 18    Rest    4 miles    Jazzercise    2 miles    Rest    Rest          MARATHON!

I've made several changes to the plan.

1)  The original plan has you running 4 days per week including 3 runs Tues/Wed/Thurs.  I completely eliminated one run per week (the shortest one - almost always 3 miles throughout the training program, but never more than 5 miles) and replaced with a one hour jazzercise session.  I know this is a HUGE change, but one with which I am comfortable.  I think.  Gulp.  I do not run back  to back days, and I strongly feel that is part of the reason I've remained injury free for the two years I've been running. 3 runs in a row?  Nope.  Don't want to risk it.  If an experienced runner is reading this, and thinks I'm making a huge mistake I would love to hear from you.

2).  I believe jazzercise is a good replacement for the fourth short run.  The cardio is intense, plus I get some strength and ab work.

3) I will do a 50 minute "Body Sculpting" class at Jazzercise as my "cross training" day.   I've really enjoyed this class, and the work on my core.  I know core strengthening is pivotal to becoming a better runner.  My core is pretty much bread dough wrapped in marshmallow fluff.  It needs some work!

Overall, this plan seems pretty doable to me.  It's kind of crazy to look ahead at this point and see a week where I will run 10 miles, take a day off, and then run 20 miles.  Oh gosh, I'm doing the sign of the cross over myself again!

On the car ride home from North Carolina, the kids started to give me ideas for my marathon training/running play list.   Both boys think I should run across the finish line to Imagine Dragons' "On Top Of The World."  I love that!  (not to mention that I love their confidence that I will be running across the finish line!)  I told them I wasn't sure I can arrange that song to play at the exact time, and G told me not to worry about it - he'll bring a speaker and play it for me.  <3 p="">

Here goes nothing, folks!

Lucky In Love

One of my friends has a wonderful tradition to celebrate her loved ones on their birthdays.  She takes to facebook, and lists her favorite things about that person.  I love it.  We don't honor our loved ones enough like that. Why shouldn't we proclaim the depths of their awesomeness to the whole world?  Or at least to our corner of it?

Today, my husband Andy and I celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary.  We met at the end of our junior year in high school, and started dating during our senior year.  We were married a week after I graduated college.  I mean,  just look at us...babies!

May 21, 1994

In honor of this day,  I've made a short list of some of my  favorite things about being married to this man.

1). My husband is a grown-up. Evidently, there are guys who experience something called a
"man-cold"?  I've read about men who feign helplessness to get out of performing traditionally female tasks.  I've heard of men who seem perpetually stuck at 12 years old, and are coddled by their wives.  I've never witnessed these things first-hand because I'm married to a grown-up.  Don't get me wrong - you aren't likely to find a bigger goofball than Andy, but he's also a strong, secure, emotionally healthy, got-his-stuff together grown-up.  His legendary togetherness partners nicely with my legendary not-togetherness.

I need my grown-up husband because sometimes I'm a mess.
 Print from The Little Illustrator (Etsy)

2). My husband remembers things. He remembers dates, milestones and moments and then randomly  reminisces about them.  Like what I wore on our first date.  Or how, at three months old,  G.  was exactly the length of his forearm and fit so perfectly there.  Or the very moment he knew our youngest son decided to love him.  I can't think of a single thing that makes me feel more important and loved as his wife than this. 

3). He's predictable in the best sense of the word.  Don't ever let anyone tell you that predictable equals boring in a marriage. If there is a rough patch in life,  it's a guarantee that at some point Andy will kiss my forehead and say, "But we lucky in love, baby!"  If we are having a disagreement, I know he will say, "Never forget that we're on the same team, ok?"  My strong, predictable soft place to land.  Always.

4) He's an extraordinary father.  He would - and actually has -  traveled to the ends of the earth for his family.  He can tell you all about being alone for 36 hours on planes and in airports with a grieving toddler after the adoption of our youngest son.  For many years, Andy worked nights and was the at-home parent during the day for our children.  I worked during the day, and we really had no extra assistance day to day; no daycare, no sitters, no non-working available grandparents.  Andy did it all - doctor appointments, multiple weekly speech, occupational, and auditory verbal therapy appointments for our youngest, library story times, play groups, field trips.  And he did it all with very little sleep and great patience (this is actually when he coined another catchphrase:  "I'll sleep when I'm dead" (always said with a smile :-).  And while today he dispenses both sage and practical advice to his children, he's an even better listener and supporter of their dreams.  He's crafted such a close and beautiful relationship with our sons.  I don't think anything can make you happier as a mother than witnessing that kind of bond between your kids and their Dad. 

3.5 year old G. seeing his Daddy seeing at the airport after Andy's return from Cambodia with baby brother S . One of my favorite pictures of my husband though you can't see his face.  This look doesn't just happen - you earn it by being a very special father.

5)  He's my biggest fan.  I don't entirely get why he believes in me so thoroughly, but he does. I'm pretty sure if I announced today that I wanted to be a rodeo clown, Andy would tell me "That's perfect! You would be the best rodeo clown! What do we have to do to make that happen?"

6)  He really is a goofball, and my favorite friend.  We have a lot of fun together, as a family and as a couple.  Andy enjoys entertaining horrifying the children with his dance moves.  When they were little, he had them convinced that he did not work nights at UPS - he was really The Batman, and the bat cave was hidden in the backyard.  For the last few years, we've driven the boys to summer camp in New Jersey.  This has meant driving 40 hours in less a week - half with kids, and half alone.  Family fun for half that trip - Jen and Andy shenanigans and hijinks for the other half.  When you are married for nearly 20 years and you both look forward to a crazy long time in a car with each other, I guess things are going pretty well.

7)   He still gives me butterflies.   I love the little birthmark under his eye.  And his arms, once poetically described by a stranger as "f*cking Popeye arms".  And that he calls me Jenny sometimes.  And the way he always makes sure my car is filled with gas.  I love the way he plays the Blues on his bass on a Saturday night.  And all of those things listed #1-6?  Super hot.


I know you are totally about to gag now, right?   HA!

We do not have a perfect marriage, and we are not perfect people.  However, I think we are pretty good at loving each other. There are little things that Andy does that make me crazy.  And I am quite certain there are things I do that frustrate him as well.  But we try not to criticize each other.  I know Andy has made us his first priority.   He's made countless sacrifices for us, and the amazing thing is that he doesn't think of any of it as a sacrifice at all. Andy's life for the last 19 years has been a grand gesture of unconditional love, and I appreciate that every day. How can you really wig out about dirty clothes left on the bedroom floor when the big picture is so clear and good?

Next year we will celebrate our 20th Anniversary.   God willing,  it will be on a beach in Mexico with sun, sand, and tasty cocktails. 

A middle-aged couple still going strong. 

Because we lucky in love, baby!

I'm alive! and I have a plan!

It's been almost two months since I've posted to this blog.

Time flies when you're drowning in life!

Well, "drowning" isn't the right word, I guess.  Far too negative.

My cup runeth over!  Life is so very full!  I'm blessed beyond measure!

.......and I'm damn tired, and can't seem to find the time to put away all the laundry!

Spring is a busy season in our family.  Work picks up to a crazy pace for my husband. The kids are involved in a lot of sports and activities (track, multiple soccer teams, hip hop - including recital preparation).  School starts to hit that frenetic pace when every special project, field trip, field day, ceremony is jammed into the fourth quarter.

I love my life.  I love the fullness, and even the craziness at times.  I love that I have two healthy and active kids who embrace trying new things.  But I'm not going to lie - sometimes this fullness makes it very hard for me to slow down enough to focus on my own health and weight loss goals.

First, the good news:  I am a person who works out 4-5x per week.  Period.  It's what I do now, and I find a way to do it no matter what.  I still find this very cool as someone who avoided sweating for the first 38 years of my life.  Lately,  I've had to get serious about shoehorning workouts in wherever I can.   This means running in the neighborhood near the soccer fields while one of the kids is practicing.    Or racing home from work to get to a 4:30pm Jazzercise class, and then racing a child to a 6pm activity while I'm still a sweaty, gross mess.   It's meant a lot more crockpot dinners so that I can run at the time I would normally be preparing dinner.  And it's definitely meant getting up super early on both Saturday and Sunday to work out before starting the day with the family.

My longest run in the last few months.  Slow and steady, and a look at that calorie burn!

Now, for the less than good news:  Diet.  I've been struggling. I've indulged in more processed food.  We've been eating out about once a week - some celebratory meals but mostly due to the busyness of life, and I've been very lax about those meals. We've had a few more at-home cheapo date-nights, and the wine has been flowing as Andy and I have enjoyed binge watching Game of Thrones.  All of those things add up to 5 extra pounds according to my scale.

However, I finally feel back on track with diet.  Meaning it might not be a coincidence that today is the day I'm resurrecting my blog. Ha! I'm pretty excited because I just may have found the perfect approach to long-term health.

Mark Bittman is a food and cooking writer.  His classic book "How to Cook Everything" is one of my favorite cookbooks of all time - although, it's really much more than just a cookbook.  It's the best cooking reference book ever.

Bittman has a new book out based on a diet (lifestyle) philosophy that has worked well for him for weight loss and general health, and it just makes so much sense to me.

A real foodie, Bittman had no interest in giving up animal products forever when his doctor suggested that a vegan lifestyle would benefit him due to his emerging health issues.  Instead, Bittman came up with a simple way to bring much more of the good stuff, and far less of the bad stuff into his daily diet.   Bittman explains that the reason he chose to eat vegan only before 6pm is because dinner tends to be the most social meal, and would be the hardest time to not share the meals he loves with the people he loves.

The premise is simple - before 6pm (really before dinner - the time is arbitrary), Bittman eats no animal products - his diet is consists of fruits, veggies, whole grains, nuts and legumes.  He also doesn't eat processed sugar or refined grains before 6pm.   After 6pm, Bittman eats what he wants within reason.  He still tries to greatly limit any processed junk food or alcohol, but will have those things without guilt if he really wants them.


I started the VB6 approach just four days ago, and so far I'm really loving it for many reasons.

1).  I really do enjoy a real food diet, and such a diet is important to me for health, ecological, environmental and even social justice reasons.    This is a great plan if those issues are important to you, too.

2). I enjoy simple rules.   Counting calories, points or carbohydrates really does not work well for me.  I want to eat intuitively, but still need guidelines to help me make better choices.

3). It works with my current lifestyle.  I already eat different breakfasts and lunches than the rest of the family.  With this approach, I can continue to make the dinners my family loves.  The majority of my dinners are based on whole grains, organic vegetables and lean meats, but I also make a mean Sweet and Sour Chicken, and Buffalo Chicken Casserole.  None of that is off-limits in this approach.

4).  It's not pulling any of my emotional triggers. With different approaches, I would feel a lot of guilt and hopelessness if I screwed up (ate something I shouldn't eat).  With this approach, I can't really screw up.  Each day starts anew.  Of course, every day does ;) - but I've tried a lot of diets where it didn't feel that way.  Weight Watchers, for instance, always seemed "One Week At a Time" to me with the focus on weekly meetings and weigh-ins.   If I screwed up one day, I was likely to throw in the towel for the entire week and that could snowball very quickly.  Now that's not Weight Watchers' fault - that's my fault, but it was a problem I consistently had with that program.  With this approach, if I'm a little overindulgent after 6pm - well, I'm back to veganing it up the next morning.  Something just feels good, and self-limiting with this approach.   I'm definitely at the beginning stages of this, but I also don't feel any desire to go crazy at dinner time just because I really can eat whatever I want.  Surprisingly, this plan doesn't make me feel like I need to eat whatever I want.   

Here's an example of what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast:  Overnight Refrigerator Oats (Mix 1/4 cup quick cooking oats, 1/2 cup rice milk, handful of blueberries, packet of almonds, 1 tsp chia seeds, dash of cinnamon in mason jar and refrigerate overnight.  In morning, take out of fridge for 30 minutes to take chill off.  Eat and enjoy)

Lunch:   Big Salad (spring mix lettuce, bean sprouts, homemade whole wheat croutons, tomato) with red wine vinegar and oil. 1/4 cup tahini-free hummus and baby carrots.

Snack: grapes

Dinner:  2 cup serving of Mulligatawny Soup (chicken, butter and cream in this soup - all off-limits prior to dinner foods) and Ak-Mak crackers

Snack: 1/2 cup Trader Joe's' Honey Greek yogurt (the best greek yogurt, IMO) and a cup of hot tea.

A pretty satisfying and tasty day of eating!   I'm pretty optimistic about these guidelines, and definitely looking forward to taking off those 5lbs that crept up on me, and then moving forward with my greater goals.   I promise I'll be checking in sooner than two months from now.


Finally, on a totally unrelated note- Gotta share my new favorite running song (although not a new song).  Seriously...add this to your playlist, and fly! I 'm pretty sure I skip and wiggle when this one comes on, but I don't really care.

 

St. Malachi Race Report

 
To make a long story short - I DID IT!  I finished the 5 mile St. Malachi under an hour AND was treated to my entire delicious cupcake because of it.   Evil Andy foiled again! ;-)  It was a great day :)

I will admit I almost backed out at the last moment.  Andy and I were running late after dropping off the kids at an early morning soccer game and meeting up with my mom.  By time we got near the race, a lot of roads were closed because the 2 mile run had already started.  We couldn't get to the major parking lots, and were stuck looking for on street parking.   The weather was horrible at this point - 33 degrees and icy rain pelting the windshield.  Andy turned to me and half-jokingly said, "It's warm in here.  We have cupcakes and you already have your race shirt.  No one needs to know."

I swear that man is the bad angel on my shoulder sometimes!

But then he's also my good angel, too.  I gave him the old side-eye, and he knew I meant business. I would be running this race no matter what!  Andy then treated me to the most ridiculous rendition of Alicia Keyes' "Girl on Fire" while we looked for parking.  I love this man.

With 15 minutes to start, I jumped out of the car, and headed to the start line. But first I had use the  bathroom.  The line for the indoor bathroom was insane.

Right before the start of the race

This is the part of the story where I become a folk hero!   Just as I was nearing an open stall, a woman yells out, "All the toilet paper is gone!  All of it! In the entire bathroom!" (she seemed a little freaked).  I remembered that I had about half a box of kleenex shoved up my sleeves because I was so worried about my nose running during the race so I shouted back, "I have tissues! Lots and lots of tissues" And then I became a human kleenex dispenser with women pulling tissues out of my sleeves and thanking me.  Like these women LOVED me, and couldn't thank me enough.  It was all very touching, and I received many warm wishes for a good race, and was even told I was the nicest person EVER.  Women really value toilet paper.

By some miracle, I made it out to the start with a minute to spare, and by a greater miracle Andy found me in the crowd of thousands getting ready to run. He gave me a last minute kiss, hug and threat against my cupcake and off I went.

So many people running on such a yucky day! Runners are tough!

This was my first time wearing my new GPS watch for a race, and I can't stress how much I loved it and how motivating I found it to be.   The field was so crowded that I didn't even get to the starting line until 90+ seconds after the gun.  I was able hit start on my watch at the exact moment I crossed the start, and get an accurate pace for myself when I crossed the mile markers rather than just hearing the clock times shouted out.  I loved it!

After a quick turn down W. 25th street,  we turned again to cross the Detroit Superior bridge heading towards downtown Cleveland, and that's where it really became obvious that the conditions sucked. Bridges are the pits for running as far as I'm concerned - they seem harmless enough, but that slow, steady incline is killer.  And the wind is pretty bad too, especially on a day like this one.  The road was really slick, and there were many pot holes and big puddles.  I was sliding everywhere, and my feet were soaked almost immediately and I was regretting this whole thing. I was really hoping Andy wasn't taking my under 60 minute promise too seriously  because I was pretty sure I would be lucky to just walk this entire race. And that's when I saw it.

The crowd of runners thinned a bit and I found myself running behind a man whose shirt read "In Loving Memory of Katie Rees.  Fight the good fight.  Finish the race.  Keep the faith."  I started crying.  To an embarrassing degree; thank goodness it was raining. I promised myself right there I wasn't letting this man, this shirt, this memorial, these phrases out of my sight.  I had no idea how fast he was going to run - and prayed it wouldn't be too fast -  but I knew I was staying with him for the duration.

And I did....down W. 3rd,  all the way around Cleveland Browns Stadium, past the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, around Voinovich Park, down to Burke Lake Front Airport, and back again, I stayed behind him repeating in my head, "Fight the good fight.  Finish the race.  Keep the faith."

I tried to focus on the stories going on around me.  There are so many stories you see on a race day.  Some people make their stories perfectly clear  like the man in front of me running in Katie's honor.  Other stories you can only guess at, or maybe overhear, or kind of make up in your head. 

When I ran the Cleveland Half-Marathon last year, I ran several miles with a young, attractive, fit looking couple.   The girl was injured, and really struggling.  Every so often, they would stop, stretch, walk, then run again.  He was always encouraging her, and was incredibly supportive.  At mile 11, he put her on his back and ran over a mile that way in 85 degree heat.  That made me cry, too, and I thought to myself - Don't let this guy go!  Ever! He's a keeper!  This shit is more romantic than The Notebook!

During the St. Malachi Run, I saw two older women running together in green tutus, laughing all the way. race.  I saw two young men running together who gave a big ole "screw this" on the final pass back over the bridge, and instead happily called it quits, high-fived and ran down a big hill to the designated after-party bar in the Flats. Tee hee. I saw a father and his little girl - no more than 7 years old - running together.  She was getting tired, so as I ran passed I said, "You are impressive, young lady!  You are totally going to beat me!".  She smiled and said, "Yes, I am!" and took off like a shot.  Her Dad seemed really happy that she got a little extra boost.   I saw another Dad with a young teen daughter - she was slowing down, and he was running backwards trying to encourage her.  She was having none of it, as a 13 year old might, and told him, "OMG, Dad!  You are like the worst EVER!"  and "No. Just No.  You are too enthusiastic."  It was cracking me up and reminded me of some conversations I've had at home with my own teenager.  I saw another runner take a horrible tumble early in the race into a big, freezing puddle.  He was soaked.   Another runner who didn't seem to know him ran up, made sure he was OK, and gave him the pair of gloves off his own hands so that the soaked runner would at least have warm hands.

This is why I love runners and racing.   I am a generally positive person, and negative people baffle and exhaust me.  I can think of no other situation I can be in where there are just thousands of people gathered together, helping each other, and putting out such good positive energy.   It's indescribable, and just so good for the soul.

Despite the conditions, my race was going very well.  I was stunned when I hit the 3 mile mark at 32 minutes. This meant I was actually getting my first sub-33 minute mile 5K (3.1miles) even though it wouldn't technically count as such since it was a longer race.

As I came up on mile 4 and the big hill on West 3rd next to the Stadium, I started to lose steam, and had to stop and walk for about 20 seconds.   And *just* as I started to panic and worried about falling behind the man in the inspirational shirt, I noticed the song I was listening to on my iPod - Mumford and Sons "After the Storm":

Get over your hill and see
what you find there,
With grace in your heart
and flowers in your hair.

 

Get over your hill and see what you find there. 

Get over your hill.  

Get over this hill. 

Fight the good fight. 

Finish the race.  

Keep the faith.

And I did.  As I came up to the bridge, I saw that I was at 51 minutes and had half a mile to go.  I had this!  I would finish under an hour.

My feet were numb at this point, but I just kept moving and hoping it would soon be over.  As I made the turn onto 25th, and could see the finish line, I also saw Andy just as he saw me.  He looked at me, he looked at the clock, and he started wildly clapping and yelling for me because he knew I was exceeding even my highest hopes for this race.   His joy and my own made me tear up AGAIN.  I freakin' cry a lot when I run!!

Bringing it in.  I swear I'm running!

I finished at 56:29 with an average pace of 11:18.

 And you better believe I enjoyed that WHOLE cupcake!!  Here is the embarrassing photographic evidence to prove it..

After the first bite.  This takes guts to post, people!

My next race is on Sunday, April 27 - The Cleveland 10 Miler.  This is a big one for me!  Every year this race has the most awesome shirts.  They always say "Run Like A God" on the back, which is the theme of this Hermes' sponsored race.  I. Want. That. Shirt.  I've wanted one since I've started running, and I am so excited to earn it next month!

My one non-grubby picture from Saturday.

Just like the movie Speed, but with a cupcake and no bus..and no one's in danger of dying or anything

This is my cupcake.

It is not "real food" in any sense.  It smells amazing, and is loaded with sugar and chocolate.   And booze.   It's an Irish Car Bomb Cupcake, and there is Guinness, Jameson and Bailey's in this here thing.  And it shall be mine after running the 5 mile St. Malachi Run tomorrow morning.

I first saw this cupcake last week at Grandma Campbell's stand at the West Side Market, and thought I NEED THIS. Oh yeah.  But I have to earn it first - I mean, I am in the middle of  weight loss contest  and all. Andy bought this little beauty for me today, and will have it at the finish line tomorrow as my reward.

I've been obsessed  talking about this cupcake since last week.  I 'm nervous about the  race because it's going to be cold, windy,  hilly and the weather forecast predicts 1-2 inches of snow may fall.  I hate all four of those things when I am running. So I definitely think a reward will be in order when I successfully complete my self-inflicted torture.

Andy and I have a playful marriage, and we're strange.   I just need to mention that first.

So....I've been talking about this race and this cupcake and my lofty goals with my husband.  I would LOVE to finish in under 60 minutes.  That would be good for me on a flat course with perfect conditions. Maintaining something under a 12 min/mile pace tomorrow might be impossible for me, but I'd love to go for it.

So my ever supportive husband is holding my precious cupcake hostage.

If I clock-in under 60 minutes, then she's all mine.

Come to Mama, you boozey sweet thang.

For every minute more it takes me,  Andy will take one nibble.  Of the cupcake.  Torturous!, silly, fun and motivating.

Andy's joking about the text messages he's going to send me during the race:

Get your ass moving! Or the cupcake gets it!

If you drop below 5mph, this cupcake blows up. What do you do? What do you do?! 
(because it is kind of like the movie Speed,  but with a cupcake, right?)


So tomorrow morning, there will be runners out there running for glory, personal satisfaction and charitable reasons, but I shall be running for the most important reason of all - a cupcake that can get me tipsy.  And I will do anything to keep that Snidely Whiplash of a husband from getting my cake. 

What's the point if you can't have fun, eh?

Post Race Report to Come!

 

 

Believe it or not it's just me

Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.
Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

 
I'm in a pretty good groove here :-)

Working out is going very well.  I'm settled into a 5x per week pattern, mixing it up between the elliptical, running and jazzercise.   I had a great three day stretch over the weekend where I did a double in jazzercise (two classes back to back!) on Friday, 45 minutes on the elliptical Saturday (hill climbing, level 11), and a 6 mile run on Sunday.  Felt awesome! - and boy was I ready for a rest day on Monday.  It's Tuesday now, and I'm feeling recovered and ready to go again.

A hot, happy mess after a 6 mile run.

I love feeling strong.  Love, love, LOVE it.   I always used to joke that if a serial killer was chasing me through the woods that I would immediately drop to the ground, cover my head, and just beg for him to make the murder as quick as possible.  Now?  Heck no!  That serial killer better be super duper fast, or have amazing cardio because I am running forrrrrreverrrrrr.   Or I might just turn around and kick his butt with my cardiokickboxing moves.

"Excuse me, Mr. Killer.  Can you stand still while I execute my impressive "barn burner" upon you?"

It's crazy enough that it just might work!

I also love the idea that I'm a person that could run for help if needed.  I know that sounds stupid, but I am a crazy worrier and I tend to rattle around some pretty strange scenarios in my head.

What if we're driving through the mountains and have a car accident....and Andy is hurt....and we don't have cell phone reception....and the kids are hungry and cold and I NEED to run for help.

Back in the day,  the family would have been screwed.

But today?  I'm your gal!  Send me, send me!  I can do it!

Stupid?  Maybe.  But I think it's more about having another way that I can take care of my family if needed.  I am not helpless.  I'm strong.

Maybe this is because eating healthy and working out sometimes makes me feel like a superhero.  I'm sure y'all are thinking I'm nuts right about now.  But for a woman who felt so tired, fat, low energy, sick and out of breath for years being healthy and strong does feel superhuman.   I never knew that people went about day to day feeling *this* way - and let me tell you, it is infinitely better than eating brownies, pizza, fettuccine alfredo and all of that stuff I used to love.

******************************************************

I've got a few new favorites in the food department.

Here's today's lunch:

Isn't that pretty?!  I'm on a bit of salad kick which is kind of unusual for me. I love a good salad, but I'm not crazy about making one for myself.   Lately I've been buying a container of organic spring mix lettuce, and chopping tomatoes, carrots, mushrooms and cucumbers.  I boiled a bunch of chicken breasts with seasoning, and then cooled, chopped and popped in the freezer in 1/2 cup servings   I've also discovered an amazing recipe for healthy croutons. Whole Wheat Croutons - 1 WW Point per serving.
Throw a little balsamic on top of this beauty and you are good to go!


Oh, and see those blackberries?  That's part of a great deal I got from Basketeria at the West Side Market.  12 pints of organic blackberries for $8.  I mean, really???!  That's crazy cakes.

I froze a lot of the berries, but I'm  also eating them every which way - making smoothies, muffins, etc.  Blackberries, blackberries, blackberries!

Basically I'm feeling a little like this right now.

 

Speaking of those blackberry muffins I made.  Follow this fabulous recipe.    I used coconut oil and no-sugar added apple juice in the recipe.  Really tasty.   They are approximately 115 calories each, and all real food ingredients so an excellent healthy choice for breakfast or a snack.    My kids dig them, too!

Good day, friends!

 

Making sense of weeks that don't make sense

Two weeks ago, I had an okay week.  I worked out hard, but my food choices were only so-so.  There were a few too many indulgences, and I was very lazy about measuring my portions.   Lo and behold, I lost 3 lbs that week.  Odd.

Last week, I was hit with a yucky stomach bug.  For three days I had nothing but water, hot tea, and a handful of pretzel rods.   When I started feeling a bit better, my eating resumed as normal.   When I weighed in on Tuesday night, I was down .3lbs. 

Excuse me?
And a hearty WTF?! for good measure.
I didn't eat for three days and didn't even lose a pound.

And here for me is one of THE biggest challenges in my weight loss journey.

How do I deal with  weeks when the scale does not reflect reality?  How do I not get discouraged when the scale doesn't confirm the good things I've done, or perhaps more detrimental in the long run,  the mistakes I've made?

First of all, I am VERY glad that I did not lose the 4-5lbs I expected to lose after being sick.  I knew that wouldn't be a real and lasting weight loss, and I would just be worried about not showing a big gain the following week.   On the other hand, I can not figure out how it is humanly possible that I weighed (nearly) the same at the end of the week that I did at the beginning. 

But what about those weeks when you are just a weight loss star?  Killing it at the gym.   Avoiding temptation at every turn.   Filling yourself with reasonable portions of healthy, whole foods.   Then you take to the scale and......

That hurts!  And it's confusing, and  makes you second guess EVERYTHING.  What am I doing wrong?  And if you are like me there is that thought...."Well Eff It All!  If I'm going to work so hard and lose nothing/only x, then I might as well eat those Oreos/Doritos/cake/chips."  That thought can easily turn into a very destructive course that can derail you from your goals.

But what about those other weeks?  The weeks where you're a bit off - eating bigger portions and more indulgent snacks, having a few drinks with friends, not working out as much, sneaking some of the kids' leftovers after dinner and....Bam! You actually lose weight.

Honestly, I think these are the hardest weeks for me.

Oh, don't get me wrong! They feel GREAT when they happen,  kind of like winning a little weight loss lottery.

But these happy surprises can also bring their own destructive thoughts:  Hmmmm, maybe I don't have to work quite so hard? Maybe I can cheat a little bit more and still lose?  And the unspoken mental game I start playing with myself...How far can I push this and still lose/not gain?

When I give in to these thoughts the outcome is always the same - push it a little more each week and then eventually stop losing and start gaining.  And that brings me right back to the whole  "Well Eff It All!" line of thinking and licking the double stuff off a whole box of Oreos. Or standing over the kitchen sink stuffing Doritos in my mouth so quickly that I'm actually poking myself with the sharp edges (truth).

This is bad, my friends.  Bad, bad, bad!!


Ideally, effort would always equal results on the scale. It is so easy to be discouraged if that number is surprising, inexplicable, frustrating or otherwise wacky. 

Maybe you had too much sodium?
Maybe you didn't have enough water?
Maybe the body gonna do what the body gonna do?



Don't let that number get in your head.  Let it go, and keep moving forward.


You can analyze this stuff to death.  And for those of us with food and weight issues, we probably have.  We've got to stop.

I can say that every time I have failed when trying to lose weight it's been because I 've lost sight of the big picture and let one moment - one failing, one weird weigh-in - have too much sway.


I refuse to do that any more.  I do find weekly weigh-ins important  because of the trends they help me see over time. But a single weigh-in?  Nope! Just like a single high calorie meal or even a weekend foodfest it does NOT mean much in terms of your long term goals.   Every time I convince myself otherwise, it's nothing more than self-sabotage. I've got the power here - not the scale.  Consistent effort will be rewarded.  That is a fact. 

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” ~Robert J Collier

Since that surprising Tuesday number, I am happy to report that I have gone about things as business as usual and have not given in to head games.  I've stayed on target with both eating and working out.  Hopefully, the scale will reflect that next week.  If it doesn't, then I will soldier on until the scale can't ignore my efforts :-)

 

Another Challenge Ends!

I know I'm really kind of weird with all of these challenges.

We have successfully completed our annual February "No Eating Out!" Challenge.  For the month, this meant no restaurant eating of any type (fast food, dine-in, carry-out), no vending machines, no coffee stops, no purchased school lunches.  Everything we ate had to come from what we bought while grocery shopping, and could be consumed at home or anywhere else.

The challenge was both easier AND more difficult for us this year.

It was easier in that we had practically given up fast food prior to this.  It's become so rare, that no one really missed it or wanted it.  In the past, that was the hard part for the kids - wanting fast food after soccer or basketball practice.  We often would stop for an ice cream cone or smoothie from McDonalds, or  some fries and pop at Wendy's. And I would *love* getting a fast food fountain drink when they would get their snack.

The challenge was difficult - a lot more difficult - because we don't really eat processed food at home.  Andy and I don't eat it at all, and the kids are limited. Basically, I cooked a ton this month, and I'm really kind of tired of it.

When we've done this challenge in the past, a lot of time our meals would consist of processed food - the frozen food options at Trader Joe's being a favorite.  Or frozen pizzas with a bag of steamed veggies. 

We don't eat that way any more, and I had no idea how extra difficult that would make the challenge for me as the family cook.  I made a lot of dinners, and a lot of snacks this month.

Mama needs a break, yo! Or these people I live with need to stop eating!

Here are a couple things that helped:

1.  Prep fruits and veggies as you buy them.  We do all of our grocery shopping on the weekend.  By Sunday evening, I have all of the week's fruits and veggies washed, prepared and chopped, if necessary. Dinner time is easier when the carrots, celery and onions are ready to go.   The family is more likely to choose fruit or veggies for a healthy snack when the melon and pineapple is cut or when the cucumbers are sliced and salted. S. is the world's best helper with this task!

2. Make more elaborate meals on the weekend - and make more.  Not that I really have a ton of time on the weekends to do this, but my time is really limited during the week.  I am very lucky to get home from work at 4pm, but we are usually running back out the door by 5:30-6:00pm.  I have a great slow roasted sticky chicken recipe that takes 5 hours to make.  If I make that on a Sunday, I then have a good 1-2cup portion of cooked chicken left over for another meal during the week - either a soup or fried rice usually.   Or I make a lot of slow cooked pasta sauce for dinner on Saturday and on the same night assemble a lasagna to put it in the freezer for us to eat later in the week.

3. Use the crockpot.  There are so many good, healthy crock pot recipes out there.  It doesn't have to be the tasteless mushy meat of your youth, or things made with cans of cream of sodium.   There are a lot of great crock pot recipes available at skinnytaste.com.  We love the chicken enchilada soup and the cuban picadillo!

4. Keep it simple.  You work hard, and you don't have a lot of time.  It is ok to feed your family simple meals.  One night we had fried eggs, whole wheat toast and strawberries for dinner.  Another night was a quick salad with a couple of chicken breasts cooked on the Foreman grill.   We had a night of grilled cheese on whole wheat with raw veggies with dip.   Quesadilla night happened weekly - cheese, avocado and tomato plus leftover chicken/beans/veggies/eggs- on whole wheat tortillas. None of these meals took more than 15 minutes to put together, and while not fancy they are so much healthier and cheaper than eating out.

We saved close to $400 this month by not eating out.  That is two weeks worth of groceries!  Or the new pair of soccer cleats, running shoes and spikes my son needs for spring sports.  Or  6 months of club soccer fees. Or 8 months of hip hop classes. That's a lot of money!

We are going out to eat today to a  fabulous pizza place to celebrate my Dad's birthday.     The whole family is excited - but I'm thinking no one is more excited than I am!  First meal "off" in a month!!

The 99th Day

Tomorrow is the official end of my 100 day real food challenge.

For the last 100 days, I've tried my best to follow a minimally processed diet.  I eliminated refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup.  That step eliminated most commercial breads, condiments, cereals, frozen foods, snack foods, and desserts from my diet.  I also switched to brown rice and 100% whole wheat bread and pasta.  Whenever possible, meat, eggs and milk were organic. Drinks have consisted of water, milk, tea, coffee and red wine.

I had some predetermined cheat days such as holidays, birthdays, and Super Bowl Sunday.  I also had some cheat days that just sort of happened.  I could use my husband's old standby excuse -  I WAS ROOFIED! -  but the truth is the days that just happened mostly happened when I failed to plan better.

Taking this 100 day food challenge was definitely the best thing I've ever done for myself in terms of changing my relationship with food.   Dramatically changing my diet really broke the hold that food had over me.  I could not maintain portion control of crappy processed food.  I am sure that I would have kept failing over and over with that, as I have in the past.  There are both physiological reasons - the food is purposely designed for us to crave it - and emotional reasons why that couldn't work for me.   But changing everything? Well, it changed everything.  I'm in a good place, and I love it!

I feel AMAZING.  I can't really stress that enough.  My energy is good and level, as are my moods.  I never seem to have problems with bloating or water retention.  I rarely have cravings for anything.  The only time I notice cravings is after I've had a cheat meal.  Of course!

The challenge has been beneficial for the family, too. My kids have always been good eaters, but they are eating so much better.  I don't think I will ever have them preferring brown rice, but they tolerate it now and have no problem with whole wheat pasta.  They are eating more fruits and veggies including things I never thought they would touch - who knew that both of them would love roasted cabbage with fennel seeds??  

Andy is doing great.  He's lost 20 lbs since getting on board on January 1. His blood pressure is fantastic.  A few months back, he had a health scare that gave us both a jolt.  I love fiercely and I'm prone to freak-outs.   That poor, poor man.  I made him crazy in the weeks it took to determine what was going on with him.   Fortunately,  the kind of diet we are eating now can reverse the situation and most importantly keep it from turning into something very bad.  So, yeah, he is never going to get a break from me!  And if I was motivated before, I am easily 10x as motivated now.
 
During this challenge, I lost 15 lbs, which only happened when I got serious about portion size.   I have struggled at times with eating too much of the high calorie stuff that meets my guidelines such as cheese, nuts, and tasty "real" food items that I bake (whole wheat banana bread, pumpkin spelt muffins, granola, etc).  I will probably always struggle with this a bit.

What's next?

Without a doubt, I am committed to this way of eating for life.   However, I will add a bit more flexibility.

For instance, there are some meals  I haven't made in the last 100 days that my family really misses like baked sweet and sour chicken with jasmine rice.  Or chicken thighs with soy sauce, ginger and brown sugar.  Or Cambodian style chicken curry made with Massaman curry paste (sugar!). Or things made with packets of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing.  LOL.

So I have decided that one day per week I will prepare an "Old Family Favorites" dinner - each week a different family member can pick one dinner for me to prepare without restriction.  Have at it, Fam!  I'm curious if I will even want to eat those dinners.   All of the meals I mentioned in the paragraph above?  I used to love them!  Now, I really don't desire them.

I will also allow myself to have one non-restricted reasonably sized dessert on special occasions - and I really do mean special occasions, not an impromptu dinner outing on a Wednesday or something.  That's if I want it.   I really have lost my desire for chocolate.

And that right there is the craziest sentence I've ever typed!

Oh, wait...here's the craziest sentence I've ever typed:

I haven't had pop (soda) in over 4 months!  I can guarantee that is NEVER coming back to my diet.  I accidentally took a sip of Diet Coke a few weeks ago and immediately spit it out. So nasty!


As mentioned before,  I love Michael Pollan.  If you are at all interested in this real food thing, I highly recommend reading his books In Defense of Food:  An Eater's Manifesto, Omnivore's Dilemma, and Food Rules.  And certainly watch the movie Food Inc. It was really that movie that gave me the courage to even try to eat like this.

I found this nice whittled-down version of Michael Pollan's "Food Rules" that you can print and take with you to the grocery store.  Honestly, if you follow this advice, I don't see how you can go wrong.

Real food and good health await you! Go get it, girl...or boy!

Committing to an Exercise Routine

Last Wednesday,  I had a terrible headache and was low energy.  I felt awful and even left work early to go home and take a nap.  After the nap, my headache was gone, but I still felt "meh".  I had just written my blog post that mentioned not running enough in the last 10 days. Looking ahead at my calendar, I knew the only chance I would have to run in the next 4 days was running today.  That meant having to run on the evil treadmill at the Y.

Boooooooo to all of it!

Andy got home at 8pm.  I changed my clothes and drove to the gym.  As I was getting out of my car, I said (out loud), "Ugh..I don't want to do this!"   An elderly man who is a regular at the Y was near me.  He laughed and said, "Who really does, honey?  Who really does?" 

Good point.

I went in, served my time on the treadmill, and ran 3 miles in 33 minutes.  I felt great afterwards.   Sweaty, relaxed, and the good kind of achy that I love.

I never regularly exercised until April 2011.    I might have had a 6 month stint here or there where I would sorta kinda work out, but I always hated it and it never lasted.  Over the years, I've lost and regained a lot of weight and exercise was never a part of the equation.

For nearly 2 years now, I've exercised 3-6x per week.  I run, walk, use the elliptical, jazzercise, do exercise DVDs, kickbox.

I think there's this myth that if you exercise regularly it's only because you are some sort of special and weird human being who naturally loves to work out.  I used to think that. Now as a former couch potato turned regular exerciser, I don't think that's true at all.

I always love the way I feel *after* I work out, but I don't always love doing it.  I certainly don't love getting ready, driving to the gym, finding the time, being gross and needing a shower after, etc 

Of course, I don't particularly love brushing my teeth or shaving my legs or cleaning my house, but you've got to do what you've got to do, right?

And I think that's it - regular exercise is crucial to losing weight, maintaining your loss, and gaining good health.  It's what's going to keep you from falling apart and regaining weight quickly  if you slide a little with food.   It's going to make you a happier, less stressed person.  It's what's going to help really change your body as you lose weight. It's what's going to make your heart happy and strong.

Here are some of my tips for making exercise a regular part of your life:

1. Exercise with a friend.   My journey to good health started with 3x weekly 30-40minute walks with my friend.  I looked forward to the "with my friend" part way more than the walking.  We would encourage each other,  laugh, cry,  problem-solve, vent.  These were free therapy sessions - where we just happened to walk.  I never wanted to miss a walk, and I never did.

2. Try new things.   Some people get easily bored and thrive with variety.  Others might need to try many things to find THE thing they love.  Running definitely became my preferred mode of exercise, but I also enjoy a variety of different activities.  And I especially love that those activities make me a better runner :-)

3.  Try a class. Even if you are sure group exercise isn't for you, I encourage you to try.  The best part about a class is once you get there, it's a done deal that you will get a good work-out.  No one ever drives to a gym, starts a class and then stops.  It doesn't happen. 

4.  Schedule your work-outs.   Every Sunday night, I look at my calendar for the week ahead, and write in which type of exercise I will do on which night.   I'm pretty busy - I work full-time, my husband works a ton, I have to feed people food they like every night (!), my kids have lots of activities and homework.    Some days I might want to go for a long run, but the only thing that will work is a 30 minute DVD at home.  So be it.   Consider your other commitments and write in what you will do that day for physical activity.

5.  Take your measurements before you start working out.  I wish I would have done this at the beginning.  I know that it would have been highly motivating.  My body has changed a lot since it's gone from a size 22 (can't believe I just admitted that) to a size 12.   I'm going to take measurements this weekend so that I can at least document inches lost in this last part of my journey.  And since I'm talking sizes and all...I'll tell you my secret goal - this 5'11" body fitting in a size 8.  So it is written, so it shall be done (I always pull out my Yul Brynner impression when making proclamations).

6. Treat Yo Self.

  I love building in little non-food(!) rewards for myself.  Maybe put away X dollars every time you go to the gym?  Maybe reward yourself  with a mani/pedi if you keep your exercise goals for a month?    When I begin marathon training in June, I plan to put away $1 for every mile I run during training.  I plan to spend that money on new running gear at the Columbus Marathon Expo.  That's a very exciting reward for me, and will motivate me to keep *all* of my training runs. 

6.  Tell people your exercise plans.  Tell your partner.  Tell your friends.  Write it on Facebook.  Write it on a blog.  Put it out there in the universe that you WILL do something.  That's pretty powerful.  If you just have an idea in your head that you might start working out, you probably won't.  Commit to this all the way - commit publicly.  Nothing like backing yourself in a corner ;-)

6.  Suck it up and start moving.  The fact is the more you do something, the more you want to do it.  This applies to the good and bad things in life. You CAN make exercise a habit.  Everybody is busy.  Everybody is tired. Think of one bad habit you have...one non-product time suck (Facebook? Pinterest?  TV?) and replace it with something that's good for you - at least for a few hours per week
 :-)

In short: Grab a friend. Mix it up. Plan ahead.  Reward yourself. Say it out loud.  And then do it!

Happiness

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." ~ Martha Washington

 

Weight Loss Contest Update

I'm happy to report that I've had another successful week, and am down 11.2 lbs after three weeks in the weight loss contest at my jazzercise studio.

I really dislike Tom Cruise.

So, it's going well!   And while I would be thrilled to win the $180 prize,  I'm just glad that this contest is finally motivating me to start losing again.  It's a victory no matter what. 

Victories, Observations and Challenges:

1). I am killing it with my work outs! Before the contest, I was definitely in a pattern of "phoning it in" at the gym though I hate to admit that.  Now I'm in a very nice 5-6x per week routine (5-6 hours per week).  I love jazzercise, and I've been hitting the elliptical hard for an hour at a time. God, I love to sweat.  Love. It!  This still amuses me seeing as I spent 39 years avoiding nearly everything that would make me sweat.

2).  I haven't been running much :(  I've only run twice in the last 10 days for a total of 8 miles.  That is not ok with me, but I'm finding it really hard to find my motivation to run. The weather has been so cold, and I've been feeling extra wimpy about running outside.  Last winter was wonderfully mild, and I ran outside all winter long.  That's been much harder to do this year, and I loathe the treadmill at the gym.  I need to suck it up, and get back to running no matter where I have to do it.  I have races on 3/16 (5 miles) , 4/27 (10 miles) and 5/19 (13.1 miles).  

3). Monday weigh-ins are brilliant.  Why have I never done this before???!!!   Both of my contests - the one at jazzercise and the unfortunately named Dump Your Plump contest at work - require a Monday weigh-in.  In all my years of trying to lose weight (mostly Weight Watchers), I always did Saturday morning weigh-ins.  That's just asking for an extra challenge.  My tendency was to be very good and on point during the week, weigh-in on Saturday, and then go off the rails the rest of the weekend.  Monday weigh-ins keep me honest.  It's showing on the scale that I have been good on the weekends.  Well, I've been really good, except for.......

4).  Wine.  Got to reduce the wine. Wine is strictly a weekend thing for me.  It's an after-the-kids-are-asleep-at-home-date-night thing with my husband.   We cuddle on the couch and have a few drinks (ok, I have a few drinks, he might have one) while watching a movie.  Or we have a few drinks and play a board game.  Or we have a few drinks and talk.  I never almost never consume more than a bottle over the course of a weekend (500 calories).  However, the big problem with wine is that I'm like that darn mouse and the cookie.  If you give Jenny some wine, she's going to want cheese to go with it.  If you give her some cheese, she's going to want some crackers.  If you give her some crackers (and some more wine!), she might want some chocolate, too. And if you give Jenny too much wine, she doesn't care what the heck she eats! 

5). I truly love Pinterest.  I find so many good, healthy, amazing recipes through Pinterest, and love trying new things.  I am a creature of habit when it comes to breakfast and lunch, but I love cooking and trying new dishes for dinner.  I have over 100 meals in our dinner rotation. If you'd like to follow me on Pinterest, my username is khemarasmom and I have a board called "I made this and it's a keeper" where I file all of the recipes that I've found on pinterest, made and love.

6).  Measuring my dinner portions is crucial.  I've made my own guidelines as far as measuring goes and it's nothing terribly scientific.  I make sure I take no more than a palm-sized portion of meat.  I make sure to only take 1 cup of whatever whole grain (or potato) that we're having.   I don't limit veggies.   If I'm making some sort of soup/casserole/stir fry, I don't really concern myself with the calories, but I limit myself to a 2 cup portion.  It seems to be working.  I'm full, getting a varied diet and losing weight.

7).  I finally have snack time under control.  This was definitely my biggest challenge prior to the contest.  I am forcing myself to grab a fruit or veggie first as snack before I allow myself anything else.  If I still want something, I go ahead have a small portion of carbs (ak mak crackers with 1/4 cup of hummus, for example) or dairy (string cheese or plain greek yogurt with fresh fruit added).

I am so happy to see the scale moving in the right direction - my upcoming October marathon is also motivating.  Every pound I lose means there will be a little less of me that I will have to haul 26.2 miles.  If that isn't motivating, I don't know what is!

Have a good healthy day, and remember.........

 

Discipline

I'm not what I would call a naturally disciplined person.  Nor was I raised to be a particularly disciplined person.   That's not meant to disparage my upbringing - I was surrounded by very loving and wonderful, but often indulgent parents and grandparents.

Oh, I was raised by A LOT of adults so I should probably back this up a bit.

My mom was a single mom who worked two-three jobs at a time for the first nine years of my life.  We lived next door to my grandparents, great-aunt, and great-grandmother who all lived in the same house.  We had that big loud and boy-do-we-love-our-carbs Polish immigrant family thing going on. Being next door to each other also meant that I had two houses for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Lucky me!

So, I pretty much had 5 grown-ups parenting me at all times.  There's a lot of good, and a lot of not-so-good in that.  You know that saying about too many cooks in the kitchen spoiling the broth?  Yeah, it can also spoil the kid.

I was the youngest grandchild and quite precocious.  I was expected to be a good student and a "good girl" and I was both of those things, but beyond that?  I was spoiled with a lot of things and a lot of food and not a lot of responsibility because those 5 loving adults loved to do things FOR me.  If there was something I didn't want to do anymore - girl scouts, choir, whatever - then I didn't need to do them anymore.  If I just HAD to have a certain designer something or other, I pretty much got it. No one ever said, "Jen, you've probably had enough candy today kid - might want to slow that down."   If one adult did tell me no, I had four more to pick from to get a yes.


My grandfather really spoiled me with food -Grandpa and I loved to eat together.  Bedtime snacks of grilled cheese sandwiches made with at least three different types of cheeses were typically followed by a big mug of hot cocoa - made with whole milk, of course.  Or the wonderful popcorn made on the stove top in oil and topped with an entire stick of butter!  Paula Deen had nothin' on Grandpa Charlie!  And then there were all the pizza, donuts, cookies, butter pecan ice cream, fried bologna sandwiches, peanut butter cups, etc.  I went grocery shopping with grandpa every week - the trip would start with a slice of pizza  they sold at the front of the store, and end with a brownie in the bakery at the back.

I really hope this doesn't sound like I am blaming my family for my lack of discipline.  I'm just trying to explain my reality and what shaped me as a person.  I had a good childhood loaded with love and good memories. All of these loving adults taught me many wonderful things - to be kind and fair, to value education, to be open-minded, to be a loyal friend, to have a good sense of humor and enjoy life - but self-discipline and delayed gratification wasn't something expected of me and I was indulged far too much. That's just a fact.

And like I said, my nature doesn't help.  As I can clearly see with my own kids, nature does have a lot to do with self-discipline.

My lack of self-discipline and not even thinking about what I wanted MOST, being only concerned with what I wanted NOW and usually getting it  has caused me some trouble.  My struggle with my weight being the most obvious, and the focus of this blog.

I am going to say something that might piss off some people and many probably don't agree with,  but I know it's true for me.   If you are struggling with a significant weight problem, maybe it's true for you too.  Maybe not.

I was morbidly overweight because I was pretty darn immature.  I got there because I wanted what I wanted NOW.  It tastes so good; I should be able to have it, and have as much of it as I want!  It makes me feel good when I eat it! It's not fair...waaaah!

I KNOW there are other issues that lead to overeating, binging and having a significant weight problem.  Lord knows.....I know!  But for ME- when all the layers are stripped away - and I am just a grown-up responsible for myself  and my actions - being morbidly overweight mostly came down to an undisciplined, almost infantile way I viewed satiety and physical activity.

What do you want most?  What are you willing to give up to get it? 

Maybe what you really want most it is to eat what you went when you want any time you want, and not have to think about it.  That's fine.  Embrace it.  But then you need to be prepared with all that may come with it. 

But maybe what you want most is to be healthy.  To look good and be comfortable.  I'm not not talking about comfortable in your own skin - that can be at any size - I'm talking physically comfortable in heat, humidity, while doing certain activities, etc.  I'm talking being comfortable and able to engage in activities that you might not be able to do right now. Maybe you want to ride a roller coaster with your kids and not be afraid that you won't fit.  Maybe you want to sit on an airplane without crowding the person next to you or needing a seat belt extender.  Maybe you want to be able to shop for clothing in ANY store and not just relegate yourself to shopping for accessories.  Maybe what you want most is to be around as long as possible - for as much as you can control - for your kids and grand kids.  To not be a burden to those kids and grand kids in your old age due to an unhealthy lifestyle that might catch up with you sooner or later.

Can you say no to some of the  things you want now - a nap rather than a workout?  a bag of Doritos rather than some carrot sticks and hummus? vegging out in front of the TV? - to work towards what you want most?

I am NOT perfect with this.  If I was I wouldn't still be struggling to reach my goal almost two years after I started this journey.  I wouldn't still be 40lbs away.

But I finally understand the importance of self-discipline and long-term thinking for me on this journey, and in life, really.  I'm a work in progress. I will mess up.  I will fall and give in to my inner child - the one who stomps her foot and demands the cookie.  The one who indulges and has someone in her head who will always tell her "that's OK, honey - have what you want.  You deserve it!"

But I've matured, and the idea of what I want most has matured with me. I'm making daily choices that prove I'm disciplined enough to get there.  I will never give up working toward that goal. The shiny, tempting, temporary things have been put in their proper perspective. 

No matter your history.  No matter your nature.  It really all does come down to choice.  Figure out what you want most, and make the choices that will make that happen.  If you fail in the short-term, so what.  Brush it off.  Move forward.

Achieving what you want most is worth the sacrifice.